Christmas
Christmas with the family: who gives to whom
The bigger the family gets, the more this question comes back every year: who’s giving to whom, and who’s forgotten someone.
A family of four can afford to give everyone a gift. A family of twenty, far less so: without a rule, some buy for everyone out of politeness, others stick to the children, and no one really knows what to expect on Christmas Day.
The draw, the simplest solution
Everyone gives to just one person, drawn at random at the start of the season. It cuts everyone’s budget and keeps the surprise intact. The catch: you need to organise it early, before some people have already bought at random.
Smaller circles
Another option is to keep gifts within the immediate households — parents to children, grandparents to grandchildren — and leave the rest aside or replace it with a group gift. It avoids having to rule on step-cousins or new partners, often the real source of awkwardness.
Set the rule once, not every year
The real time saved comes from a rule fixed once and for all, discussed as a family, rather than rehashed every year in a group message in late November. Once set, it can stay the same year after year, adjusted only when the family changes (a birth, a new partner).
Individual lists, as a complement
Whatever rule is chosen, everyone benefits from preparing their own wishlist. It avoids duplicates even within the smaller circle, much like at a wedding: the rule says who gives to whom, the list says exactly what to give.
And what about the children
Children are usually left out of the draw: everyone keeps giving to them, which is normal, but a list also prevents triple duplicates of the same toy here too.
Common questions
How do you announce a change of rule without upsetting anyone?
By explaining it through numbers: saying the family has grown and everyone’s budget is getting too heavy goes down better than a vague justification. Most families were already waiting for someone to suggest it.
Does the draw need to be redone every year?
Yes, generally, so everyone ends up giving to different people over time. Some families simply exclude whoever was drawn the previous year, to avoid repeats.
What about new partners in the arrangement?
Including them in the draw as soon as they’re present at Christmas settles the question simply, rather than treating them separately, which usually creates more awkwardness than it avoids.
You might also like
New baby
The baby registry, without the overwhelm
What to put on a baby registry, what to leave off, and how to avoid receiving the same babygrow seven times over.
Organise your Christmas gifts on Wishi
Everyone makes their own list, and the rest tick things off without a group chat spiralling out of control.
Download WishiFree · iOS and Android · Shared with one link